woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
