I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
