my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you would pick up someone in the library
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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