so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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