is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
