I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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