omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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