Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
