i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
