You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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