I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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