dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
