my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
