He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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