D3 body, D1 cock
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
