i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
