I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My vagina just recognized that song.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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