Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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