im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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