i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
