Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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