i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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