I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
