I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
