DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
