New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
