Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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