I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
