I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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