what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
