And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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