Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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