i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
