i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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