I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
