oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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