Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
