i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
