even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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