but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
