Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
