I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
