my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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