I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
