The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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