So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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