she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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