I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
