I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize