a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
