and she was petting her beer can
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
