I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
