You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
