We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
