I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont even know how to be here
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
