I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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