Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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