I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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