Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She even gives head with a lisp.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
