ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
