the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
