hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize