So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
