he thought i was a dude.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
