I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Alive.
So much puke
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
