If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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