my mouth tastes like poor choices
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
